What is more American than Politics?

Happy 4th of July.

In honor of the upcoming election season, which seems to have already begun, I will take this time to express the planks in my platform, were I able to run for president along with half the country. So begins my quest for the White House, 2028.

Iraq: I think we should have gone. I know that's not a popular opinion right now, but based on the evidence we had, which I now know was faulty, but didn't know then, I think the right decision was made. But I think it's time to get out. We have been there too long, spent too many lives and too much money, and apparently have no clear plan. I promise that as your president, I will give you a timeline for removal or our troops, who, by the way, are doing a great job in the midst of adversity every day.

Taxes/Budget: Our economy has grown too quickly. Unfortunately, I think it may be time for some higher taxes. Sure, tax the richest people, because they can afford it, and that saves me and my family money. But the tax increases could slow the economy to a more manageable rate of growth, and help balance the budget. I promise I would cut frivolous and not-so frivolous spending, starting with Iraq (not-so-frivolous) and ending with government waste (you guessed it). I also promise that I won't lie to you now and promise lower taxes, only to raise them when entering office. Therefore, it can only get better.

Social/Moral Issues: I promise to do absolutely nothing about abortion, capital punishment, affirmative action, and same-sex marriages. I have opinions on all the issues, but they don't matter. With a divided Congress, none of these issues will ever come across my desk to be approved or vetoed, so why bother talking about them now.

Health Care: I promise that we are not a European nation, and therefore our government is not ready to provide universal health care worth having. Instead, I promise to let you buy your drugs from other countries, because they are too expensive here. While we're at it, I promise to let you continue buying gas from Middle Eastern countries, because it is too expensive here as well. I'll think about legalizing marijuana, but only for prescription medicines. And no, your psychiatrist can not prescribe it. Neither can your chiropractor.

Education: I promise to reform schools. I don't know exactly how to do that, but neither has any other president recently, and they got elected. I guess that since I'm raising taxes, I can increase the education budget a little bit. And I can offer more grants for higher education, because I know I've enjoyed those. I promise to offer school vouchers. I'm not sure they'll work, but we haven't tried them, so they deserve a chance.

Social Security: We have enough money in it to pay the old people right now. As for you young people who don't bother to vote, you have enough time to make enough money to save enough for retirement. I promise you won't get enough to live on when you are 65. I promise you won't live to be 65 if we don't work on improving good health habits in children. So Social Security shouldn't really matter, should it.

Immigration: Yo hablo español. Me gusta los latinos, los italianos, y personas de todas las paises en lo que vivia. Pero, tenemos un problema en los estados unidos. Necesitamos aprender otras linguas, porque esta es un mundo muy interdependiente. Immigrants offer a valuable service to United Statesians, taking jobs we won't take, and teaching us about other cultures. However, they should come legally. They should pay taxes. We should be more accommodating to their cultures, and not try to force them to learn our language if we are unwilling to learn theirs when we visit. I promise to allow legal immigrants to come and work and live and chase the American dream. I promise to let Congress figure out what to do with illegals, and by the time they do that, term limits will have sent me into retirement in some other country.

Gun Control: I don't like guns, in my hand or someone else's. I haven't seen Ben-Hur, so I don't know if I like Charlton Heston. I promise to try to keep guns out of the criminals' hands, while still trying to protect the 2nd amendment.

There's my platform. I'm sure I left something out, but that's ok. Some overzealous pundit will challenge me about it. I'm just not sure if I'm running as a republican or democrat. I'll welcome suggestions for a party.